


Nepenthe

by CrystallizedInsomniac



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Other, mentions of the quinx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:46:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4472861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystallizedInsomniac/pseuds/CrystallizedInsomniac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Urie never gave a direct answer when Mutsuki asked him why he was holding on to his shirt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nepenthe

**Author's Note:**

> _Nepenthe ::_  
>  (n.) something that can make you forget grief or suffering.

There’s a reason as to why Tooru is the one who does the laundry around the house.

When they had all first moved in and gotten to know each other, it wasn't long before chores around the house needed to be divided and sorted out. It wasn't like Tooru or Shirazu hadn’t offered themselves to doing them - Urie barely talked to any of them so it was simply thought that he'd be willing to help and Saiko plain out refused -, it was the fact that Haise was so _unbelievable nice_ on insisting that he could do them while they finished settling in, that it felt like they were _using_ him.

It took about three days of constant pestering and convincing - and maybe locking Haise inside his room for a whole day - before he gave in. Then they did turns each week, and Tooru was extremely careful as to not leave his binder near the dirty clothes pile, least he needed to do an explanation that he wasn't prepared to give - or not, maybe they weren't the type to question - there or anytime soon.

There was one time where he had been careless and after a stressful day, thrown it in the dirty clothes pile that was picked up by Haise the next day while he was sleeping. It wasn't until the door clicked softly that he realized what had just happened. Least to say, he managed to retrieve it before anyone noticed and then announced that he'd be doing the laundry. No questions asked.

He really did not want to add yet another thing to his - growing - list of worries.

So it was expected for him to get a little freaked out when things started to get missing. _His things_. And it became even more frustrating - and weird - when they appeared just where they _were before_. It happened about four times a year, in different times, so Tooru momentarily forgot about it.

After the Auction mopping-up operation, it seemed to become a thing that would happen twice, even three times a week! Sometimes the things he lost - mostly shirts, books, etc - weren't even returned on the same day, they would appear two to five days later and just thrown around the house. When Tooru said something about it on dinner, no one knew who was doing it.

Whoever it was though, stopped for a short while before doing it again.  

It was only a matter of time before Tooru got fed up and started asking around, this time more privately. He figured - after having spent the majority of the time with Saiko in her room discussing the whole subject - that maybe whoever it was that was doing this, wouldn't want to come out publicly.

And since they weren't making any attempts to step forward, then maybe Tooru should act. 

He had just gotten out of Haise's room when he walked past Urie's room. He barely even thought about going inside Urie's room, even if to knock, he was sure he would get ignored. Things hadn't been the best with Urie lately - not that Tooru was blaming himself _of course not_ \- and seeing how the male had been doing his best to avoid them - though Tooru was sure it was him he was avoiding the most - then _maybe_ it wasn't the best course of action to take.

Only if he was going by Urie's avoidance of any sort of contact from Tooru after the raid, the ignoring and the lack of visual contact. Then he was sure the other was mad at something he did - should he had avoided the hug?

_Still-_

The hesitation in his step is enough to make him take a step back, just in front of the door. His green eyes flicker to the side briefly and he lets out a small breath he didn't know he was holding. This shouldn't make him as nervous as he was feeling right now, it was _just_ asking a few questions and hoping for sincerity from Urie's part.

He extends his arm out and grips the doorknob. Maybe he should knock? He didn't hear any commotion inside the room - though Urie is notorious for being silent in his wake - maybe he shouldn't even try to _twist_ -

No... never mind.

it's _open_.

 _Open_. And that's the only thing that makes any sense in Tooru's head as he takes a step inside and opens the door fully, closing the door behind him. He looks around the room and takes time looking at it because maybe he can hopefully spot anything that's his, not because he suspects Urie as the thief - and _certainly not_ because this is the first time he's been inside Urie's room - but because he can't see Urie anywhere.

Not that his eyes have managed to look around completely, he's more concentrated on a canvas that is on it's easel, he isn't too sure on what it was that was drawn on it - the room is dark and the painting had been done in dark colours - but anyways, Tooru stops himself with a small blush of embarrassment.

He was _not_ going to go through Urie's stuff _without_ his permission or him being here.

Then again, he wasn't sure if Urie wasn't in the room. Maybe sleeping? He turns to look at the bed and sure enough Urie is there, not even curled up or using the sheets to cover himself. His face however, is partially hidden by his arm, the other one clutching something.

Taking a step closer towards the bed, he squints to get a better look at whatever it was that Urie was holding, all the while ignoring the thumping of his heart, loud against the otherwise silent room. He really shouldn't be in here _but_

-but Urie hasn't looked at him in weeks and hasn't allowed him to be near him, so even if Urie didn't want him inside his room, at least he'd have to direct his words at Tooru to tell him to leave - though Tooru wouldn't leave anyways and demand Urie to explain his sudden hatred. 

Plus, he _really_ wants to see what the other hand was holding on to. Taking yet another step, he leans forward and peers at the object, now that he looked at it it seemed familiar. If he could just get a bit closer he could-

Tooru lets out a small shriek as his balance left and felt his whole body tilting forward, far too late to get his balance back, he knew that whatever outcome happened, Urie was going to wake up and _and_ -

He lands on the bed, almost falling on Urie's form who upon hearing the sound flinches and sits up, efficiently managing to hit himself and Tooru with their foreheads. Mutsuki feels himself fall backwards now - thanks to the throbbing pain in his forehead and his body's automatic reaction to get away - and lands on the floor, a string of pained sounds coming from his mouth.

Rubbing his forehead and opening his eyes, he trails his gaze from the ceiling to Urie - quickly averting his gaze from his eyes - and then to his hands. He's clutching onto the object, which then turns out to be - now being able to peer closely at it - the exact same shirt he had been looking for.

Tooru sucks in a breath, the silence was not making this any easier. Urie has yet to say anything, to _do_ anything and Tooru's still looking at the evidence in Urie's hands and even if he could now perfectly start to pull the pieces together - of course, it made sense! Urie barely hanged out with any of them, he was almost always alone and was rarely seen so of course he could pull all of this off without drawing attention to himself - the question remains;

_Why?_

He knows that thinking about it would only lead to scenarios that could not be true because Mutsuki wasn't present in them, but still, he can't help it. He feels his face suddenly start to feel hot and gulps, eyes trailing upwards and settling on Urie's eyes.

Mutsuki almost makes a double take when he notices the pure _raw_ emotion reflected in Urie's dark eyes, its sort of impossible to miss. He looks angry, ashamed, embarrassed and sad, but he also looks weak and - Urie please forgive him - _needy_.

He looks needy and it makes Mutsuki's stomach flip. He knows that look, it's - the good kind? _no_. no. Bad kind - familiar and brought flashbacks of him out of control and powerful, reckless, but still the hint of sadness and neediness that still had managed to make their way into his eyes. This was just like last time.

Except that it also wasn't. Because Mutsuki was not moving to comfort him, because Urie was still not talking. He was not crying, he was not doing anything just staring and-

And it makes Mutsuki's chest feel constricted, like this is his fault like he shouldn't have had walked in like-

            "Urie, why do you have my shirt?" Because in all honesty, while his body wants to close in and hug him, demand him to _look_ at him, to _touch_ him he knows that it would not do anything. He wants answers, _that's_ why he came inside. 

If he went for comforting Urie he could get kicked out, he could be yelled at and the thought made him feel small, useless - this is so wrong, this is really wrong - and he was not going to take no for an answer  - no. That's not it, he is not strong enough to accept a 'no' for an answer this time, he wants Urie to accept his offer of being there for him. For him to acknowledge that he has someone, that he has _all of them_ here to help him out.

But Urie is not responding and upon closer inspection, he's shaking. His eyes are so telling of his feelings, there is so much in them that Tooru can't stop staring at them. Almost like he's drowning, they're big really big and dark-

and

and wow, okay, _uh_  Urie's close-erm, _closer_ than he was before. Mutsuki blinks, startled at the small gap between the two. The shirt is discarded in Urie's bed and he's leaning forward - Mutsuki notices that his arms are at either side of his body and he's trapped - and makes a small noise, so low that it almost doesn't register in Mutsuki's ears - ears that are currently burning up _what is going on?_ -

             "W-what are you doing with my s-shirt?" He asks again, this time trying to ignore that Urie hasn't stopped trying to get closer and that Mutsuki's breathing is no longer regular, coming in quick and sharp breaths that are leaving him dizzy.

He's contradicting himself, this is new this is something that's making him uncomfortable. This is out of the blue, this is Urie doing something that was not expected and Tooru's brain is kicking into fleeting mode, he wants to leave because he's not sure what's going on and he's happy, happy that Urie is looking at him, getting closer to him.

He closes his eyes. Yes, but not like this, _not like this_. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do! He came in with one mentality and that was to question. But Urie was not answering, just getting closer, so close that Mutsuki could _feel_ his _trembling_ -

            "You're so infuriating." Urie mutters and lets out a tired breath, his whole body relaxes instantly when he takes a deep breath of Mutsuki's hair, and he leans forward completely and simply puts all of his weight on Mutsuki.

And the gears on Mutsuki's brain simply stop. Because Urie's willingly leaning into him. He's the one seeking comfort, he's sure there's something that he was supposed to be doing here but it's all momentarily forgotten because Urie's leaning on him.

He can't feel his arms - is he supposed to hug him? yes, yes. That's... that's the most logical thing in the world to do but does Urie need _comfort_? _company_? what is all of this?

 _What_ is all of this?

_He-_

            "Urie I-"

            "You've ruined me ...te you ....I need y..."

He sucked in a breath, "Uri-"

            "I need _you_."

Urie is still shaking, more violently now and Mutsuki can't stand it anymore. Pulling Urie from him, he is slightly devastated when he looks at Urie's face, his eyes look bigger, pupils blown and so _open_.

And it just _clicks_.

Urie hadn't been avoiding his gaze because he hated Tooru, he was doing it because he knew that his eyes would give away everything he was trying to hide. He needed company, comfort, he needed _him_ specially, but was too stubborn and prideful to even ask Mutsuki for the comfort, the reassuring words that he had promised him when they were in the Auction mopping-up operation.  _  
_

He was seeking comfort in things that were Mutsuki in essence and not seeking the real thing at all. 

He feels his throat close up. This was so unlike him, this was Urie having just woken up and having to confront the one person he had been avoiding for what seemed like an eternity, seeing him in his most weak state - now twice - and not being able to do anything because he was tired.

He looks tired so so tired-

            "Urie I'm so sorry." He whispers and moves to bring him close again, his arms are still shaking.

Urie kisses him.

.

.

His eyes widen when Urie pulls back, ten seconds later - he counted because what else is he supposed to do?! This is all so weird so out of the blue and _so_ \- and then looks like he did the biggest mistake in his life. Quite possibly because Mutsuki didn't respond.

Yes. No. Was he s _upposed_ to?

Maybe he isn't reading into what Urie needs like he's supposed to. _What_ is exactly that Urie needs?

When he sees Urie's eyes flicker to the side, his body movement is enough to tell Mutsuki that he's going to leave. This isn't about Mutsuki anymore, this isn't about his missing shirts or the kiss. This is all about the fact that Urie's mental state has been reduced to this, because Mutsuki caused this and didn't follow up on his word, words that he had said in a moment of weakness. 

\- Then again Urie shut himself off from everyone so they're both at fault here but Tooru pushes this thought back into his head, grabs Urie's wrist and pulls him forward. Catches his lips in a quick peck of lips, ignores his warm face and sucks in a breath -

            "Urie I'm sorry, I really am. Don't-" He takes another breath, "don't shut me out, don't do it. It hurts me, it hurts _you._ " He puts a hand on Urie's cheek, his eyes are less open now, more _Urie_ and Mutsuki takes comfort in the familiar feeling of it all. He doesn't like the cringe and the realization in Urie's eyes - he seems to be starting to close up again and it's _not_ good - "I'm here for you, I'll _always_ be."

When Urie visibly drops his guard, the stiffness in his body - but his eyes are back to the way they are - and lets Mutsuki embrace him and run his hands through his dark hair, he knows that the moment he walks out from this room, things are going to be _different_.

It should be a scary thought, it should be something he should be dreading of happening. Because different did not mean good all the time, it could be bad.

_Still-_

This is not the future, this is not later, this is right now and right now Urie _needs_ him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr prompt; http://crystallizedinsomniac.tumblr.com/post/125563889639/mutsurie-prompt-because-there-aint-enough-cute  
> Sure, the propmt said smut but my head was like nah bruh. Write some angst, so that I did.  
> If I'm going to write smut for these two I wanna do weird-embarrassing kinks and spend at least 10k words on it. 
> 
> Also, I'm still accepting prompts, go ahead and leave some on my tumblr owo


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